Surgery

It's been almost two years since the life changing surgery I had. So as to give you as much back ground as possible this post is dedicated to my surgery. The name of it is called The Whipple Procedure. If you Google it you will come up with a lot of scary information. Of course because I am human, I Googled before I had it done. BAD IDEA, DON'T DO IT!!! 

We met with a wonderful surgeon in Milwaukee in January of 2011. He is a transplant surgeon, he works in the area of kidneys, liver, pancreas and does the Whipple. Remember the other Doctor, Dr. C,. he said he would find the best, well he did. His name is Dr. S. Now this man scared me, but I got over it because he said he would save my life. I owe my life to him. I did not make this surgery easy for him because remember I was overweight. I also was one of the youngest people to have this done by him. Have I forgot to mention, everyone said this cancer was something someone in their 60's gets, not someone who is 30. However, he said he would take care of us. We would be home by my oldest son's birthday (early February). There was something we needed to know though. The day that we scheduled the surgery might change last minute if he was called to do an emergency transplant. Transplant organs don't last long and he had to do them. It was what he did. We said we understood, and my thought was, this man is going to save my life and others too. God Bless his works! 

My husband, mom and I sat at the hospital for what seemed like hours that day. I needed a ton of blood work and pre-op stuff to make sure everything was good. When we finally were able to go home I had the worst headache ever. I just wanted to hug my kids and then fall asleep and wake up the next day and hope it was all a dream. Good luck, right? 

The surgery was a week from that day. I had seven days to arrange my house in great order. I had to set up everything. I do the bills, I had to give all the passwords to my husband and write the dates to when everything was due. I had to figure out who would be with the kids while we were gone. I had to figure out the dog situation. I had to clean my house. I also wanted to write letters to my children. These were good bye letters. There was a chance I wouldn't make it. In any surgery there is a chance you won't come out of it. However this one the number is almost 3x's worse than a regular surgery. There was a chance, albeit still small, that I wouldn't come home again. So I did all that. The letters were the hardest. I didn't want to be sappy, I just wanted them to know how much I loved them and if I wasn't here for E when she went on her first date, I wanted to tell her what I would have said in person. I also ended up writing many more letters to loved ones. None of them know, which is good. It means I came back.

Everything got done. The kids were taken care of, the house clean, the dog to my in-laws and bills laid out for hubby. We could go have this done and it was taken care of, I was prepared. My husband and I woke up at 1 a.m. to get ready for the drive. It was two hours. Lone behold, the phone rang at 1:30 and Dr. S had been called away, so my surgery was on hold. I don't have much to say about that morning other than we had to do it all over 5 days later. So we got up again, got ready and picked up my mom. C's parents were to meet us in Milwaukee once they got their youngest to school. The support system was in place. We then drove to Milwaukee. I knew in my heart of hearts this was it. My life as I knew it was changing. I didn't understand the gravity of it, but I knew something was changing. 

We got to Milwaukee around 4:30. We needed to check in at 5. We paced the floors for a while and then went to the surgery admit. My stomach by this time was in knots. I was so scared. How in the hell was I supposed to say goodbye to the love of my life and my mom. I didn't say good bye to the kids, I kissed them on their heads and left love notes all around the house. It was easier to let them sleep than to see the hurt in their eyes knowing I wouldn't come home for almost two weeks. I had never been away from them that long. Back to hubby and mom. They at least could come in the admit room with me. We joked and laughed. They made it light for me. I have no idea what their thoughts were that day. The only thing my mom said was she felt peace finally. After weeks of praying she finally felt peace and knew we would make it no matter how much it all sucked, we were going to be okay. The time had come it was time to say goodbye. I hugged my mom, I kissed my husband. Both which I prayed were not the last time. 

Now, I sat in a cold clinical room. The drapes were all that separated the patients. Dr. S. came in with a huge smile. I don't really remember anything he said other than, when you wake up the pain will be taken care of by meds don't worry. Also, we will get you home for M's birthday. It is all going to be okay. I was brave on the outside, but my insides were a mess. My only question for him was when are they putting the cath in? Will I be awake for that? He laughed and said no. I would be out. They had central lines and other things to do, but they would do all that when I was out. I did ask if he was ready for a long day. He said 7 hours isn't that bad. It would all be okay and yes he was ready. About 30 mins later the nurse gave me some medication. She said it was a calming drug. I was calm alright I don't remember anything until I woke up...

WHAT THE HELL!!!!!!!! Why does it hurt so bad? Oh my God, I can't breath, what the hell is in my mouth? GET IT OUT! Shit, why are my hands not moving. THEY TIED ME TO THE BED!!!!!!!!!! All of sudden a bunch of beeps. I was biting on something in my mouth, I still couldn't breath. OHHH THE PAIN, THEY SAID IT WOULDN'T HURT. THEY LIED! The nurse came in and told me to calm down, take slow steady breaths. How? I wondered. What is wrong with me, where am I? Oh MY GOD WHAT IS THAT SMELL!???

Till Soon...