Frustrating day

I went to see my radiation oncologist today. I don't get worked up as much anymore when I have to see doctors, but for some reason this man makes me freak out. Almost as bad as the end of chemo, when I started taking Lorazepam just to make myself go. I like his receptionist as well as his nurse. But he just, I don't know what it is. I'll describe the interaction, you tell me what it is...

I will try to make this short, but how do you squeeze an hour into two paragraphs? He tells me, your heart rate is up, we need to check that. How come you are still losing weight? Are you trying? What meds did the therapist put you on? Do you still have hot flashes? You still get your cycle? What you aren't on meds? How come? Pain in your liver, I thought they took the stint out of your pancreas, how come the pain is still in your liver? What do you do outside of the home? How often do you leave during the day? What activities do you do? These are just some of the questions. I felt as if we were playing 20 questions. But no prize at the end, just frustration at the end for me.

From this appointment today, I learned... My heart rate goes through the roof when I see this doctor. It's a bad thing to lose weight even when you could lose 20 more pounds. No one seems to remember I had a Whipple Procedure and food and me don't get along anymore. When you have a correlation between a liver malfunction and radiation therapy, the doctor will deny it is from radiation and will neglect to tell you what the real cause is. I may or may not be going through menopause. He is not at liberty to tell me. No, I am not on any meds from my therapist, she doesn't think I need any. Yes, she does get the liberty to tell me if I need them, I see her every other week and have spent more time with her in the last six months than the two years I have been seeing you! He magically thinks my pancreas and liver are the same organ producing the same pain. Look at my chart genius and you will see they both have issues. No I do not sit around the house all day doing nothing. I have three kids, three cats, a dog and a husband. I volunteer at my kids school. I also have 18 thousand doctor appointments every month. I spend more time at two hospitals in the area along with drive time than I do with my kids. I dislike this doctor and the appointments with him.

I think part of my problem with him is he expects me to have the answers to the medical questions that bug him about me. All I know is this, he did not want to treat me in the begining. He felt it a waste of time. I was too young, and the side effects were too great to risk. He was trumped by the cancer board and had to treat me. Like it or not. I also think he is young and doesn't understand that cancer rocks your world, everyones. Things will never be the same again. I just don't think he has been exposed to it as much as some of the older doctors I have have been. Lastly, he is a scientist first and foremost. For a treatment perspective that's great, he treated me. From a patient stand point, it sucks. His beadside manner needs some work.

Till soon... Me and my scar are going to bed.