A couple of weeks back Kelly from DeBie Hive wrote something about a friend that she thought was a true friend but turned. It brought up some real emotions for me. I think everything happens for a reason. For me it is a God thing. But I also believe there are connections and kinetic happenings that make all things possible. So it hit hard when I read what she wrote. As I am somewhat illiterate when it comes to tagging and adding people go to DeBie Hive on Facebook and check out her blog. So from what she wrote this is how I feel...
It's been six years since we've had our last blow up. I promised myself I would never walk that road with you again. In the last six years, I have reached out to you numerous times to say I am sorry and to say I care. When your dog died it was the first time. Your response was leave me the beep alone. Okay, I did. Until your dad was sick. I reached out again. How could I not? We were two peas in a pod. We did everything together. We freakin' got pregnant at the same time to show our support for each other. WHO does that? Well obviously us. Then he died. I reached out again. This time nothing. No anger back from you. Now that was an improvement.
Around the same time Kelly wrote her blog you facebook friended me. I was so caught off guard. I was in shock! My first thought was hell no. We are not going back down that road. I said never again. I meant it. Then I felt sad for you. The hubs said... "Remember the times before, she has no one in her life so she's seeking you because you will love her again. Don't do it." I took what he said but instead of listening to the no, I heard the she has no one. I want to be someone.
Then it all hit me like a ton of bricks. I almost died, literally. Where the hell were you then? I know you knew. For one, you had people checking up on me. I know because some told me. I also know your Ex Husband told you about what was going on. I asked him not to. He thought it was the right thing to do. So let me ask again, where the hell were you? If I matter so much now, when I was barely hanging on, where were YOU?
There you go. There's your answer. No, never again. I am finally at a point in my life where I can think of you and have no ill will. Just blessings and HOPE that you are okay. Beyond that, nothing. I think of your children, my God-Children, and cry. But as you said to me six years ago... They will never remember me. As my children will never remember you. For that I am thankful.
I will never forgot the two people who came to see us after my surgery/cancer diagnosis. One person brought a meal for my family. One person stayed with my husband as I died in the hospital. That's it. No one else besides my family. I learned a lot from that experience.
ReplyDeleteproud of you M! this is *such* a difficult thing to do....and a decision I know most women have had to make. Ironically~ that same week that Kelly posted her blog~ a similar situation happened to me...and I vented about it~ and you supported me. This amazing online group of women we are privileged to know give us strength when ours is painfully low. You paid it forward and gave it to me. Love to you my friend. Love, hope and a peaceful heart, Ginger
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you wrote this. It's been almost two years now with my ex-friend, and while I still mourn the loss of the friendship in part, I know now that she was never the friend to me that I needed, and that I always gave too much to her, which she fully took advantage of. I hope for her sake that she gets it all figured out and learns to live an authentic life...but even if she does manage to do that someday, I can honestly say that I want no part of it. Some hurt is too deep.
ReplyDeleteWow! I had a friend who would constantly choose when she wanted to be friends, and when she did not. The LAST time (about 4 years ago)she wanted to talk to me because her dad was dying and was having a procedure done the next day. I sat with her for 3 hours on the phone, letting her cry, letting her know I was there for her, offering to watch after her kids if she wants to spend time with her dad, or get some rest. That conversation ended as our conversations normally would, but it was also the last time I ever talked to her. I called her two days later to see how her dad's procedure went and she didn't answer, sent her a text the next day, no answer, tried to find her on facebook, just to find that she deleted me. Haven't talked to her since.
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